Thursday, February 3, 2022

A decade without Acha





 Acha is my father. I lost him 10 years ago, Feb 19th'2012. I dont like using him in "past tense". I still believe that no one has ever loved me more than he has. It was the kind of love, which was unconditional and very pure. Just the kind, I wish I valued more, when he was alive!

The day he passed away, a lot of people came home. 

I was with MindTree back then and my entire office cab gang came to my house. I couldnt even talk to them, but I remember seeing them standing outside my gate and silently thanking all my stars for having caring friends. 

Manju came and in the days and months that followed was one of my biggest support systems amongst all my friends. When I told him, that I wont have my Acha call me anymore 3 times a day, to check on me and to check if I had eaten,  what Manju did will never ever cease to amaze me. He called/messaged me for several years daily to check on me! Where do you even get people like Manju in your lives?

I wasnt the sort of person to get too many phone calls in life back then, there was a running joke within my closest circle of friends that the only person who ever calls her is her Acha, which was also true by the way!

In my most saddest moments, when I have felt alone, my father has telepathically always managed to talk to me. Be it, when I was struggling with office work and working all alone at 9:30pm or when I was going through a heart-break!

Preeti and her family came and even before we realized were the unofficial caretakers and caterers, silently going about their business getting tea/coffee and sending across food. 

Pravs, Shila, Shw and Ceej came. I recall DJ also dropping off, though he had to travel to Hyderabad. Rajeev also came. These guys being there, gave me a means to vent out my grief and to be heard.

I had lots of things to say about my father, about the day we spent together before his death, about all the 100s of things I told myself, I should do, for my father, the night before he passed away.

Of course I told myself, maybe I should have done that better or this better, I should have let him talk to my sister, I should have enjoyed him singing in the car, the day before he passed away. I was the luckiest person to get to spend the maximum amount of time with him, just that I didnt realize it then.

We have this family friend and I very clearly recall this conversation, which made a lot of sense: When someone dies, we always try to think maybe if I did this, he or she wouldnt have died. We somehow tend to channel guilt and think we could have changed or controlled the inevitable. I recall my friends being very wise about this and telling me not to think that I could have maybe changed anything.

I recall when my sister came, she was relying on her spiritual connections to take her through the loss.

I do believe all of us have our own ways of dealing with loss, whatever the way is, if it works for you, it does. If you want to wash vessels or you want to chant or you want to cry or you want to talk or you want to stay quiet and disconnected from people, do whatever works for you.

I feel bad that I dont have videos of my father talking and that I cant even hear his voice, maybe I will forget what he sounded like, but I will never forget what he always told us...Dont worry, Im here for you all the time...He told us this, when we told him hypothetically that we might just fail an important exam, before even taking it and he would say....tension nahin lene ka...channa khane ka.

We have the coolest father ever, he is way beyond his times, very forward thinking, extremely broad minded, just by being what he was, he very easily drove me to a lot of achievements in school/college and in life early on. 

In the past ten years, I have missed him immensely! I feel bad that he is not there, when he told me, he will always be there for me. I yearn for his presence, his talk, his anything, you know!

There are times, when I have messed up big time and I think oh no, what would Acha think of me...he would be too disappointed and that is just something that had never happened!

I cannot witness anything which involves a loss, without missing him!

I recall Ceej being Ceej dropping in to check on me, multiple times and telling me that it is only his body which has left and that he still stays with you in spirit!

I think what has worked is the wonderful memories he left us with! The wonderful moments and the sheer joy that Dharma Kumar brought to our lives and the pride and honour in being his daughter is what makes me move on kinda. It is a challenge to mask grief with their happy memories, as it also makes you miss them more, but with time, this challenge becomes less difficult and if we feel we did whatever we could to help them, if there was a chance, that also helps the healing process to some extent.

Many years ago, when Google had just started making short animated videos of photos, I recall seeing this animation of my father moving and I got up from my seat in office, trying to actually digest what was happening.

I wish to be the kind of parent that he was to me, to my son! I wish to be cool, loving and the most caring person ever like him. I wish he had known my son was coming along!

My son asked me this question a few days ago: If God were to grant you just one wish, what would it be?

Im sure you know the answer by now:)

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Clingy times

One of the best things I remember telling myself, everytime my son clinged on to me and looked up to me to play with him or read to him or just sit by his side....was that ...Cma...enjoy it while it lasts.

I wudnt say he has drifted away a lot yet, he is only seven after all, but I do see him getting a lot more independent(which is a good thing) and looking forward to playing with other children(again, not at all a bad thing)...but then I think Im d clingy one.

Now that I have accepted that it is difficult to let go...time to cling on to other interests.


Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Bubbles of fun


Around 80+ autistic children, their parents, staff and Intel volunteers had an awesome outing in Ramagiri forest last weekend. The outing was funded by the Intel Social Initiative Contest, 2016 grant. The main highlights of the outing:


1.      Mud pool play therapy for the autistic kids. This was to provide sensory stimulations to the children. We also had few of the kids lying down in the mud pool, without a care in the worldJ

2.      Rope activities with one simple ground rule: The volunteer/staff assigned to every child had to make sure that the child did the rope activities, overcoming their inhibitions and facing their fears. It was only after the adults(parents/staff) tried out the rope activities, that we realized how difficult the rope courses actually were!

a.      One child who was non-verbal was finding it difficult to do any of the activities. That is when, the volunteer worked with the child in doing the activities with him and lo behold, a few words of encouragement and he was doing the activities. He was all smiles after finishing the “crawling under the net” activity.

3.      Water rafting: The kids love any water based activity. Some of them would break into a song and enjoy the bonding with nature

4.      Campfire: The children and the parents put together a 1 minute talent show. Most of them displayed oodles of talent in dance and singing.

5.      Rain dance: After the rain dance, we had one kid chanting dinkachika dinkachika, clearly communicating that he wasn’t quite done with the rain dance activity.

6.      Trek to Ramagiri: We had the autistic kids hold hands with their classmates and walk along, something which never happens in the classroom setup.

7.      Overnight camping in tents: While the adults anticipate issues, the kids make it seem all easy!

8.      Early morning yoga session: Simple exercises and breathing techniques to bond with nature

 

Over the years, we have seen so many improvements in the children. Kids have gotten better with verbal communication and others who don’t communicate verbally have found their means of reaching out to people and we can see them seek means of managing their anxieties.
 
Now what you read above is the official version which got published at work....
 
What I really want to say is that I am so glad I made it to the outing. Bubbles and Sarbani has always been a second home to me. It isn't coz it has been 11+ years, its just that the warmth and the love from Sarbani and Bubbles has been the same since we first worked in volunteering for their annual day event in March, 2006.
 
Sarbani talks/eats/sleeps/breathes Bubbles. It is rare to find someone so committed and who has made it her life's purpose to improve the conditions for these kids. She dreams about setting up a vocational unit, to make them self-sufficient, independent!
 
Sid had a lovely lovely time too....at the mud pool, rain dance...he quickly figured out that Sarbani was the boss there...and went around conveying her instructions to ppl around him...he would also go to her and ask...what activity will we do next?
 
What can I say about adorable Ileana...her face would light up with smiles...if u smiled at her ...Loved it when she came into my arms for the net activity...
 
Enjoyed the fun moments spent with Palak and Priya...both of u rock!
 
Some pictures...
 



 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 

 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Stayfree

I enjoyed college. .  But again not as much as mindtree days. .  Life back then was so simple. .. So uncomplicated. .  Extremely ideal family wise n surreal when I look back. ..
V had super duper fun... Shila DJ n me. .. N then Manju n me. .. Ravis n d Jayesh's n d Shenoys n d Dpubs n d Garudans.... Moses.... N d lovely lovely friends for life. .  Pri.... Lead. .  Rags. .. Manju. . So many of them.... 

As if d people weren't enough. .  D experiences were varied n fun. .. How I wish I cud relive those times. .  N have my father by my side

Execute

Sometimes it feels good to do things on d spur of d moment without too much planning.

Got a call on Monday asking if we can sponsor Amulya's b'day.  I was shocked when the Surabhi co-ordinator told me u can skip d cake n snacks n get her a gift.... like a hair band. .  Hair band???... No way!!

So I decided to do it my way. .

After my friend gave me d go ahead on d funds required. .  Left office. .  Picked up my 3  year old and took a cab to a cake shop. .. Hitched a ride back to surabi centre on a just bakes cake delivery gadila with my son n d cake. .  My son overheard me tell d cake wallah. .. Full on circus v r doing n he tells me later that he enjoyed our circus....

Got Amulya a jewelery kit and her pals loom bands. .. Something that I thought young gals wud like. .  N something I wud have liked getting gifted. .


I always place myself in other people's shoes. .  Sometimes it's a good thing. .. Sometimes it's not.... Phew.... Wisdom time!!!

I hope they enjoyed d small surprise v gave them. .. But my fella n me surely did.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Amme n Ache

The moment she hears that I am carrying a heavy bag .  . My mother catches an auto to get her pregnant daughter back home from the bus stop. . Amidst heavy rains. . N d usual power cut aftermath. .
When I scolded her for taking the trouble. . All she said was. . Hello . . I came only coz u were pregnant . . Or else u think I wud have come?. .
I still think she wud have come.   . even if I weren't pregnant...

My parents did so much for me both as a child and when I was growing up and even when I was all grown up....

Everytime my phone used to ring at work, my friends at work used to know that it had to be Seema's dad....who used to call me religiously atleast 2 times a day...to enquire if I had food...and to enquire about how Im doing....I so so miss my father now:(..but you wont believe it...my bestest friend...Manju...when I told him that I miss my dad calling me....made up for it for 2 years..almost every other day....asking me if I had food and if I was doing OK...sometimes I wonder do ppl like Manju really exist?

My parents used to surprise me on my b'day with gifts....they have always respected my line of thoughts...n taught me to be an independent decision maker...today I might take a million opinions before I do something...but I take the final decisions...as my wise n not so old aunt once told me...U make ur choices in life...but always remember u made them..so u gotto take whatever comes with it!

Feels so alive to be blogging again

n Im so gonna spam my blog...have missed writing so very very much Man!!

Child labour rephrased...


Monday, January 19, 2015

Snacky Gifty:)

Ever since 2006, Christmas has been a very special festival for me. December is usually one of my busiest months in the year, where in there is fund collection to do for Christmas gifts for the schools and orphanages we work with and also the bestest thing everest..buying and wrapping gifts:)

U may have noted that I use superlative degrees any way I want...but then let me not digress from the story I want to tell...

Over the years...there have been times when I have wondered if we will collect enough funds to do all the gift and snack purchases...but somehow every other year....we never run short of money...

This year, we collected a total of 30,000 INR and were able to buy snacks and gifts for 350 kids:)

Snacks shopping was a breeze....Rumna and me did this in Metro....n v got good discounts too..

For the gifts, this year I went to multiple shops....found this small shop in Yeshwantpur, where I saw a whole lot of toys hanging outside ...the shopkeeper was a young chap....but he was extremely polite and courteous..that being the one good reason why I thought of checking out the shop in the 1st place...I hate rude shopkeepers and always make it a point not to buy anything from them...

When I told him..I was looking to buy 350 nos. of toys and gifts for children from orphanages, he told me that he would offer me a good discount..n he actually did!!...he also delivered all the stuff back home and gave me 200 gift covers for free, something which is not only hard to find ...but which also costs atleast 5 bucks a piece!!!

For the 1st time in years, I decided not to be kanjoos while buying gifts...d only thing I was looking forward to was...If I were a kid...wud I like getting a dart gun or a nail polish or a bubble gun or a neck chain or a loom band or a tennis ball as a gift?

The shopkeeper told me that loom bands were very popular among the girls...so v got that...nowadays I see them everywhere...n one shopkeeper told me ki yeh cheez toh daudthi hai...when I asked him if loom bands bahuth chaltha hai kya?

After shopping for around 150 gifts....I bought nail polishes, stickers, fancy looking clips and chains and was done with shopping for the gals...

Have u ever noticed how easy it is to gift a gal...n how u easily run outta options trying to shop for guys!!

Ceej came home and helped me pack the gifts in Ceej orderly n mannerly ways...n we were done with over 100 gifts of packing in no time!

I absolutely enjoy sitting around with friends and family wrapping gifts....Back at home...my Achan, my Amma and even my sister's mother in law have helped me wrap gifts...

A pal of mine once told me this...arrey ...y do u run around so much...take all this trouble....But the fact is...that doing this ignites a part of me...which makes me very happy and content...I think anyone who cares about me knows that I do this more for me...than for anyone else...

Alas...alas....turned out that I spent all the weekdays in the coming week accompanied by my 2 year old son in toy shops...trying to buy gift wrapper pouches...while my son n me had a blast....v were also running from one gift centre to another and then to steel shops n then to plastic shops doing the search for gift wrapper pouches..I finally came to the conclusion that they cannot be found in BTM....tats the place I stay in....

So, I bought 40 colouring books at a gift centre and had them do the packing for me then n there...yes..yes...urs truly had a blast setting people off to work :P

Happened to goto Jayanagar BDA complex and the 1st shop I asked had the gift wrapper pouches...this is one place which has everything under the sun..I tell U

Majority of the packing was done by my amma n my maid.....I would tell them..I need this gift to be mixed and matched with that....n they would dutifully do all that...while my son ran around with the kitchen sets and the doctor sets and the chains...:)

When I took the final count and segregated the gifts for the boys and the gals...our total number of gifts was 360:)

My final moment of joy came in during the Christmas party, when while distributing the gifts...the volunteers were trying to figure out what was inside...n I was like showing off big time...Oh that gift...tats a loom band...or that...tats a gun..or this...this is the doctor set:)
 

Yahoo Pregnancy


Yahoo only had pregnancy related news items!! ...n this was like 5 outta 6 stories..looks like celebrity birthing is the hottest topic offlate....

 

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

A traditional love story:)

We started off in 2006! It's been a 8 year long journey. Im not going to write further about there being ups and downs...so dont see that coming. Coz its only been a joyride, every new occasion always more fun than the previous one...every event more joyous than the previous one....every festival ...a reason to smile and look forward to with warmth and affection!
 
Ok ppl...will stop with the build-up and get to the point. Christmas is fast approaching and so is the carnival at Bubbles school for autism. To those of you, who have been there already...you definitely know what to expect. To those of you, who dont, in a nutshell, you can expect to have a lot of fun and also experience creativity at its simplest best!
 

A decade without Acha

 Acha is my father. I lost him 10 years ago, Feb 19th'2012. I dont like using him in "past tense". I still believe that no one...